Ingenuous Introspection

It has really been a long time since i last wrote something here. The reasons may be many but a broader one says that i was real busy. The word 'reasons'. Hmm. The only thing, i think, in which i am damn good - yes finding reasons and that too for my faults. And most of my reasons are aimed at exculpating myself for anything that happens. All the years i had been thinking that i have been one of the guys who is really different from what people generally do/are but i must also believe that this is what everyone believes. After a deep introspection i came to the conclusion that whatever i have done, till now, i fall in the category of people that lie in the average category. So it automatically states that i ain't different because of the simple reason that i don't think different and i don't do anything differently. And that is the problem. Reverting to my past life, i think i have not religiously followed my heart and i have not religoiusly followed what i had been doing at that time. I mean i could not carry it forward. I start off well but then when i reach a place where i fall at the place where lacs and millions of people are, i tend to stay or most of the times digress. And i know this is not the ingredient for the making of a successful person. And i must understand that the words 'successful' and 'different' are quite synonymous. I know the measures that need to be taken but then why the hell i don't follow them. Is it that i am too lazy or i am impotent? I hope not even one of them. But that is the reason i am searching and i must find it fast. There is no escape from being an extremist to reach what many aspire for.